A Note to Myself

So before i decided on starting a blog, I wrote this note to myself. I kept it hidden and private as kind of a way of giving myself a shot in the arm when I needed it. It was what I needed to hear from myself before Blaiden was born, to keep my nerves in check.

So later this week, my son will be born. Just saying that to myself sends butterflies scattering through my stomach. I’m meeting this huge event in my life with great excitement, anxiety, and worry. On one hand, people tell me I’m going to be a great dad, I’m going to be just fine, I’m going to do great. I think to myself, is that because of who I am or who they think I may turn in to or because of the heart I have…. In the end I guess it’s not really gonna matter what people tell me. I’m gonna do what I feel I have to do. I’m gonna love him unconditionally for the rest of my life, and if that results in me being a good parent or raising a successful kid who grows up to be the best him he can be, then none of the other stuff matters. Nobody else’s opinion will matter if in 18 years, my son can look at me, say he loves me, can say I was there for him when he needed me the most, every time, and is grateful for everything I did for him. Kind of how my dad and I are. Some people may say we’re too “buddy-buddy” and there should be a more traditional structure between father and son. Nothing else matters. If it works for us, then who is anybody else to tell us how our relationship should be? Anyways, I’ve kinda gotten away from the point a little bit. 

I have enough confidence in myself to believe I’ll be a good dad. I’m nervous and sometimes I’m going to question myself and my abilities, but I think if you’re not doing that you’re too cocky. And there’s no room for cockiness when it comes to being a parent. So I will take advice from people who have been there before. I will listen when someone, who knows more than I do, has something to say. I’m going to be humble… I’ll be proud of my kid, but I’m going to be a humble parent. I just hope I can do a good job for him. People can think of me what they want as long as he gets what he needs and deserves. In my family, I have an excellent supporting cast, and I think we’ll be just fine. I’m excited to fall in love this weekend. And I’m excited for him to love me back. I can’t think of a better family for him to be born in to; extended and immediate. 

Now that I look back at it, I still feel the same way... and actually love him more than I ever thought I would. Of course this was written when I thought we were still on schedule, the week before his due date.