A Horror Rookie

Ok, so it's Halloween and I have horror on the mind. I figured now is as good a time as any to compile a short list of my favorite "horror" movies. I'll be the first to admit that I am not what you would call a horror aficionado, but more an admirer of the horror genre. So I don't, by any means, think these are the best horror movies ever made; these are just my favorites. I guess I'll do my top 5. Na eff it... top 7. Everyone does Top5 and Top10... I'll be different. Here goes........


#7 House of 1000 Corpses
When looking for a good horror movie, I tend to appreciate the mind fuck much more than the blood and gore. But if that movie can incorporate the blood and gore, then it's a homerun for me. Like I said, I don't know much, but to me this seems like it's just Rob Zombie's loose re-imagining of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I've never seen TCM, but I know I like the twisted mind of Rob Zombie and the way he can take situations and settings and make them scary without blood and guts and without the element of surprise.

#6 Stir of Echoes
Not so much of a horror movies but more of a psychotic thriller. One of Kevin Bacon's most underrated movies.

#5 The Ring
This is one of the first movies that kind of set off the modern era of horror. I may have received more of an impact from this movies based on the fact that I got to the theater late and sat front row. This is the first movie I can think of that used the loud staccato static sound coupled with images flashing that is synonymous with almost every horror movie now particularly in the trailers. Although there wasn't anything really visually horrifying about it, it was what you didn't see that was scary. Then the one part where you get a glimpse of what you were missing had a huge impact. Not to mention the video itself was disturbing. I did make sure every light in the house was on and played a lot of video games to clear my mind when I got home.

#4 Thirteen Ghosts
I honestly couldn't tell you why I like this movie so much; it has so many things working against it.... Matthew Lillard, Shannon Elizabeth, Tony Shalhoub... But I think it's the variety of ghosts that I like the most. Kind of an odd-ball movie. Kinda cheesy. whatev...

#3 28 Days Later
This is one of those movies in recent memory that I watched multiple times, partly because I didn't have cable at the time, but still... A spin on the prototypical zombie. Zombies have the reputation of being slow and lethargic but 28 Days Later turned all that on its head and featured zombies that not only ran, but ran faster than you could and didn't tire. 

#2 Saw
Just the original. Saw was definitely a change in direction for a horror movie. It was twisted and dark and sinister and had basically unknown actors. Had a great opening scene and an unforeseen ending that you couldn't have possibly predicted.  

#1 The Shining
Classic movie, not just in the horror genre, but in all movies. You take the creepiness of an empty hotel, the out of the box directing of Stanley Kubrick, the brilliance of Jack Nicholson, a creepy kid, and the ugliness of Shelley Duvall, and you have the makings for a great scary movie. This is another one of those movies that seldom used blood and gore, thus making its imagery that much more powerful. It's the one movie that can still give me the chills no matter how many times I see it.

Now i know there are some obvious omissions; Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, The Exorcist, Poltergeist... but again, I'm just going based on my personal favorites and what I still find either creepy or scary.


Honorable Mentions - Shaun of the Dead, Zombieland, The Hills Have Eyes, Hostel

Music Challenge Day #9

Songs that make you Cry

I already compiled this list a while ago here... but I forgot some...

and

and sometimes

Music Challenge Day #8

A Song That Makes You Wanna Dance

So if you know me, you know I don't dance unless I'm filled with liquor.
This is the only song I could think of that I would "dance" to when I was a kid. As this song played, my sister and I would race around the living room, filled with glee.  I think we were 10 and 4? maybe... i dunno.. that's all

Music Challenge Day #6 (update)

an updated theme song for my life that makes more sense and is more accurate.

Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say
And if you do this it'll help you some sunny day

Oh, take your time don't live too fast
Troubles will come and they will pass
Go find a woman you'll find love
And don't forget son there is someone up above

And be a simple kind of man
Be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can?

Forget your lust for the rich man's gold
All that you need is in your soul
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try
All that I want for you my son is to be satisfied
(From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/l/lynyrd-skynyrd-lyrics/simple-man-lyrics.html)

And be a simple kind of man
Be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can? Oh yes, I will

Boy, don't you worry you'll find yourself
Follow your heart and nothing else
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try
All that I want for you my son is to be satisfied

And be a simple kind of man
Be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man
Oh, won't you do this for me son if you can?

Baby be a simple, be a simple man
Be something you love and understand
Baby be a simple kind of man

Music Challenge Day #7

A Song That Makes You Think of Someone You Miss


I have two songs that made me kinda miss the same person. Jared and I used to go to the beach for what seemed like every weekend one summer. We would take turns driving. When i would drive we would listen to the Best of the Beach Boys and this one song makes me think of those times.

The times that he would drive we would have the Big Tymers to listen to ... (he was a wigger). I don't know the name of the exact song, but this song is off the same album I think. The song in my head had some weird sounds that made it sound unintentionally like PacMan, which i would constantly remind him of. I hated the music, but it was part of the beach trip. Going to Oceanside, playing catch, drinking Smirnoff Ice (lol), and then stopping at McDonalds in Bonsall for Big Macs and nuggets and to play some Mario Golf on the N64 they had there... some of the best times of my life

Music Challenge Day #6

A Theme Song for Your Life

ok I think I missed a day, so I shall make it up now.
I thought about saving this one for the end so I had more time to think about all the songs out there. But I remembered a song off the top of my head right now, so I guess I'll stick with it.

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell I'm doing here?
I don't belong here

She's running out the door
She's running out
She runs runs runs

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here

Music Challenge Day #5

What is the song of your favorite TV show?


Originally I thought this meant currently... in which case you'd see Family Guy or Scrubs or Married with Children.. but as I searched my past, I realized what it was.... I'm just gonna post a link to the song and if you can't identify the show, we can't be homies... A show that had great music and gave, what I feel, was an accurate representation of the time and the hurdles every kid seems to go through... enjoy


Joe Cocker

Music Challenge Day #4

What Song Do You Absolutely Have to Listen to Everyday

I don't really have a song I need to listen to everyday, but I'm currently trying to learn a new song and consequently find myself listening to it as much as possible. It's what I do when trying to learn a song. It's just like anything else; I need repetition to remember and to pick up on little nuances... ESPECIALLY with this song... it's a little different than what I usually listen to, but one of my favorite bands right now.

Music Challenge Day #3

A Song That Can Change Your Mood Instantly

The Ecstasy of Gold + Creeping Death - Metallica

The Ecstasy of Gold is  the intro song Metallica has used to open up their shows for a while now.

I didn't really know when I went to go see Metallica in 2004, and it was probably better that way. It's the perfect song to open up a show you know is just going to kick your ass. It starts out innocent and unassuming but by the time it runs it course and crescendos at the end, you're ready to just let loose. To do this alone on youtube is one thing, but to do it with 50-70,00 other fans, it's an experience that cannot be replicated with anything. It turned the quiet, reserved guy that is me, into a yelling, screaming, singing lunatic (although when I saw them they followed up with my favorite song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHIEO1_0Ulo). And that lasted for the whole 3+ hour show. So naturally when this comes on, I get a boost in energy and my mood takes a turn for the better.

Music Challenge Day #2

A Song That Reminds You of the One You Love

Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts? 
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground. 
What have you found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here

This song can probably be interpreted in a hundred different ways, and depending on my mood, I can interpret it differently than I do currently. 

This is basically a summarization of what I will call my "love life" up to this point; a series of people who think the grass is greener elsewhere. When I love, I give it everything I have. Maybe that's what I'm not understanding, that what I "have", just isn't good enough. 

Music Challenge Day #1

What song did you listen to on your way to work/school:


There were two songs I listened to today because I'm trying to learn them. My commute isn't too long so I only got to listen to both twice.

First: Parkway Drive - Romance is Dead (and i'll give u live videos cuz why not)

The incisions is your wrist were all for show.
Just like you.
He epitome of self indulgence.
Another farce.
A charade and another set of crocodile tears.
So serenade her with your last pathetic suicide love song.
"Broken hearts never mend".
But fools never move one.
And now she's gone because of you.
And once again You're the epitome of pure self destruction.
Cupid never found his mark.
As we await the insertion of blades on flesh.
You part the skin and tell of blades on blood.
So part the fucking skin.
To tell the blades on blood.
She said "I Love You"
She said.
She said goodbye.
So cry me a fucking river bitch.
You wouldn't know love if it crushed you fucking chest.
Let go.
You wouldn't know love if it crushed your fucking chest.
"Razors, roses and a black tomorrow"
They never showed any affection to anything but your ego.
A tragedy of errors at the best of times.
You are everything that's wrong with me.
Youre everything that I despise.
You are everything I dreamed would die.
You are everything that fades away and slowly dies.
Will you bleed for me when suicide seems so yesterday?
Will you bleed for me?
Will you fucking bleed for me when suicide...
It's so yesterday.
It's all so fucking yesterday

Second: Parkway Drive - Mutiny

The deepest circle of Hell is reserved for betrayers and mutiniers.

Fucked up memories.
We're dead at every turn.
So spin your fucking shit and we'll die with every twist of tongue.
Your hollow gaze has shifted past my eyes.
Another dead face fades away.
Now what's left to take?
Another day I regret your memory.
In my mind you will never be more that this.
So what's left to fucking take?
Now my trust is gone.
As your world comes crashing down I'm going to watch it fucking burn.
Everything we had lies in pieces.
Everything we had fucking dies... tonight.
Through those deceiving eyes I've seen the blackest heart.
The blackest heart.
Everything you love fucking dies tonight.

Why I'm a Dodgers Fan...

This was the birth of a Dodgers fan. I was 6 years old and I watched this game with my dad. At the time I didn't understand the significance of this moment, I saw my dad's reaction and I knew something big had happened. And so, as any boy wants to be like his dad, I became a Dodger fan. I grew up in LaHabra until I was 5 and had been an Angels fan because it was convenient. This one video (and I wish I could find the whole back story video to this moment) never fails to make me misty-eyed. What Kirk Gibson meant to the Dodgers this particular year, and what this home run meant for the Dodgers in this World Series makes this moment really heavy. He was the league MVP and in the playoff series before this, he hit a homerun and to keep the Dodgers alive, and then hurt his already ailing knee further. So in this at-bat, he's come out of the dugout after not playing the whole game and the whole at bat he is having trouble just standing and this was his first and only at-bat in the World Series. This moment is iconic in baseball and Dodger history. Any time this is being relived on TV I stop and watch.

These next two videos are from the same game, but the series of events is so unpredictable that you can't find one video with everything in it. I wish I could find actual footage, but this is the best I could find, which really is better for showing the raw emotion in the stadium that night. I don't remember the significance of this game, it may have been a meaningless game, but the opponent (Padres) coupled with what happened makes this huge. At the beginning of the 1st video the Dodgers are losing 9-5 in the bottom of the 9th and the Padres are basically just going through the motions to close out the game. The Dodgers then hit 4 consecutive homeruns to tie the game, and then in the 2nd video, they hit a home run in the bottom of the 10th inning to win the game. 

Besides all of this, I like the Dodgers because they are almost always the underdogs, they are almost always counted out, they almost always underachieve, and because they're on the west coast, don't get a lot of media attention. I like that the stadium is a 'baseball' stadium. No playgrounds, no pools, no extra curricular activities in the stadium. When you go to Dodger Stadium, you're going to watch a baseball game and nothing else. It's the same reason I respect Red Sox, Yankees, and Cubs fans. You can tell they show up to watch the game and they know the rules well. They know game situations and pick up on things much faster than the casual fan that may go to a game. 
Apart from having one of the most storied franchises and oldest stadiums, the Dodgers posses one of the best announcers in all of sports who has been broadcasting games for over 50 years. 
Simple colors, simple uniform, simple logo. 

...in the mirror

I don't hate you... I hate what you've become and miss who you were. I hate the way you've allowed yourself to get treated and I hate that you don't do anything about it. You're weak and timid and second guess every decision and feeling you have and that's not who you are. You have nothing to offer anybody at this point. What does someone get out of knowing you? Loving you? Caring about you? The easy answer.... nothing. That's what you've become... nothing. Obviously you being at your best, isn't good enough. Who you are isn't good enough. So at this point, go through the motions. Try not to jeopardize anyone else's future/life. Shut up, do what you're told. Don't show emotion. Don't have opinions. Don't do anything but 'be'. And just wait in agony.

bleh

Ok, after some 140 character or less banter via Twitter the other day, I felt I had a lot to say and wish I could have spoken my mind immediately and more off the cuff than I am now, a few days later, after I've had plenty of time to think and forget all the shit I wanted to say originally.

We'll start with this; I believe in the idea of marriage. I believe in what it stands for. I like the idea of being in love, and having someone love you in return just as much. I like the idea of having someone by your side whom respects you and would do anything for you... to inherit another family as your own and someone to share all your dreams, successes, failures and accomplishments with. I envy those old couples you see that have been together after -X- number of years and they still seem to be as in love as the day they met. 

As ideal as that scenario sounds, I also believe those types of marriages are based on the type of living that was promoted in that time. Times have changed and so has marriage. The divorce rate has quadrupled from 5% in the 50's to the 20% currently reported in the U.S. And that's not even counting the unions where both people involved are so completely unhappy and so miserable that they would turn and run if not for circumstances within the marriage such as the kids (which is not a justified reason to stay married). In the 50's it was frowned upon to divorce or to give up or to not see your marriage through. Today, with it being more commonplace, you have to be more careful who you marry, not marry at all, or make your own rules (such as open marriages or polygamy). 

In the few long term relationships I've had plus my marriage, I've been compiling a mental list of things that prospective consumers buying in to the marriage game should consider:

• Evaluate Yourself - Can you survive the rigors, trials and tribulations of giving half of your life over to someone? Can you roll with the punches and keep your cool, be faithful, giving, trusting, and an all around selfless person for your spouse? Have you done everything you want to do that marriage may prohibit or make difficult? Most important here, is to not bullshit yourself. Don't talk yourself into believing you can be or do any of these things if you either A) never have or B) think these standards are temporary.
• Evaluate Your Significant Other - Is this someone you have proven you CAN live with? And is this someone that has proven they can live with you? Mimicking a marital situation before sealing the deal is almost mandatory. So much changes when you're suddenly living under the same roof as someone else no matter the amount of "love" there is. Have they answered all of the questions above or is there still some lingering doubt? 
• Trust - There HAS HAS HAS to be trust. Don't ever give your partner a reason to doubt you even for a second. The time for making him/her jealous and playing hard-to-get is over. Entering into marriage with trust issues already in place is like jumping in the ocean without knowing how to swim.
• Respect - I think some people think that once you're married to someone that you all of a sudden "own" them and can treat them a little worse than you did before. If you spouse is constantly bad-mouthing you to his/her family, whether in jest or not, that is a huge red flag. That shows that they don't think too highly of you  and, in their mind, are putting you in your place and want everyone else to know who's in charge. A marriage should be 100% 50/50 with each person's feelings and opinions taken into account and equal amounts of importance placed on each. Lack of respect will breed resentment and hatred and pretty soon you'll end up living with someone who is overly aggressive to compensate for the lack of respect or at best a Larry (see entry named "Larry"). Don't be with someone who will, more often than not, tell you what to do, tell you how you feel, or try and be a psychic and tell you what you will do in a given situation.
• Sex - This seems like a no-brainer, but if there's no sex, no sexual compromise, or sexual dissatisfaction, bail. This kind of falls under the two previous categories but is so important it warrants its own section. While marriage isn't all about sex, sex is the glue that will hold two people together. Sex needs to be fun and adventurous. The idea that sex gets boring after marriage is a common misconception. It’s probably more accurate to say that you get bored with your spouse; seeing the same naked person, doing the same things, in the same place. You’re not necessarily bored with sex, you’re just bored with the staleness within your sex life. If you’ve gotten to this point, you have to tap in to your, and your spouse’s, adventurous side. Sex doesn’t always have to be in the bedroom. Hell, it doesn’t always have to be in the house, or in A house. Find a secluded place to have sex outdoors; relive your glory days and jump in the back seat of your car; go to a boring movie on a weekday afternoon and see what you can get away with in the theater; jump into the bathroom for a quickie at a family get-together; never underestimate the power of a hj/bj while driving; playful, but discreet touching in public throughout the day… just enough to tease and drive your spouse crazy; introduce toys or costumes or lubes or candy or adult movies into the bedroom, whatever it takes. Sex getting boring probably has as much to do with being lazy as it does with trying the same tired routine. As much fun and exciting as sex is, it can still become work if you let it. It needs to stay fun and positive, a weapon to use against the stresses of everyday life.
• Don't Lose Your Identity - As long as you're not a serial killer or woman abuser, there shouldn't be a laundry list of things you should have to change to make yourself marriage material. If you're constantly being judged and criticized for who you are, what you do, your background, your mannerisms... it's not worth it and won't work out anyways. If you're told your hair, clothes, job, hygiene (as long as you're not disgusting), car, taste in food, music, TV, hobbies, or even the way you hold a beer, they don't have much interest in WHO you are and they won't accept you until you try to compromise who you are.
• Common Sense - Don't be love-blind. Don't make decisions with your heart. Make sure you both want the same thing out of life and that you are both able to stay committed. You don't want someone taking the time effort their supposed to be using on your relationship and applying it elsewhere. When the time comes that the relationship starts to dissolve, you will receive just as, much blame. As much as marriage is all about being in love and starting a family and all that mushy crap, it's just as much a business transaction. You're giving half of yourself away to someone else. Weigh pros and cons, ask outsiders for an objective point of view, and most of all, be honest with yourself. Make sure you aren't selling yourself short and make sure the person you wanna be with is committed to the game.

There ARE other options to marriage if you don't think it's for you. Find someone you love, have a life with them, but have a pre-existing agreement where you can each go your separate ways if the relationship goes south.
Be in an open marriage or polygamist relationship. As long as you can handle the emotional end of this, then this is probably one of the more popular options. I for one, am not a good candidate for this way of living. If i have feelings for someone, I don't want to share and it kills me to think of them with anybody else.
Or just simply stay single. Date and hook-up and if something comes along, then so-be-it. Don't force things, don't expect things, and just have fun in life. Get the most you can out of life, live for yourself, and do everything you wanna do.

I guess, in closing, I'm just suggesting that I think it's time to leave these archaic and outdated ideals behind in favor of a more modern approach.
Society should be more open to alternative types of lifestyles, relationships, and ways of living. Marriage doesn't always have to be the "way it's supposed to be"... even though I'm guilty of having that exact outlook. We should just keep an open mind and think outside the box.

this is how it feels

Larry

You ever feel like you're trying out for your own life? Like almost everyone around you, that should accept you the way you are, constantly judges you and tries to change what makes you, you? All that does is make you feel like a lost cause.
There's this guy, Larry, that works at Verizon with me. He's older (50's I'd say) and his life hasn't exactly panned out the way it should have. Larry has a 2 degrees, he's worked for LA City Fire, worked as an EMT, and yet finds himself living in a sub-par apartment complex in Hemet. Hell, people who live in affluent neighborhoods and big houses catch shit for living in Hemet, so when you're Larry's age and in an apartment in Hemet, your life has clearly veered off course. Anyways, it appears Larry has done more drugs than you're supposed to and it's affected how fast he speaks, his volume, and his ability to comprehend. By the way, the "drugs" he's done is completely made up... he may have, he may haven't.... I've never asked. So because of his slow demeanor, he has the reputation as the yard simpleton whom you can kind of boss around and know he'll just accept it and do what he's told, albeit, very slowly (i've never bossed him around personally). So I had always wondered how a person comes to be like that. How does a man, an educated man who's accomplished more than most, become, for lack of a better term, Larry?
Well, the plot started to thicken one typical Monday morning when our boss Eric came out to meet us, as he does every morning, and had a story about seeing Larry at the local Starbucks. As Eric is waiting in the drive-thru he hears a woman losing her shit; yelling and screaming and just being overall obnoxious. So he takes notice and watches as the events play out just outside of his truck window. As the argument escalates, the female stands up and throws an ashtray full of the days disgusting ashes and butts at the gentleman she was berating. The gentleman sits there, stoic, as she storms off. Just as she's out of sight he stands up to brush the disgust of himself, turns a quarter turn and reveals his identity to Eric. It's Larry. And the lovely woman is his wife. So naturally, Eric rolls his window up as fast as possible and goes about his day.
So hearing this as work, we get a tiny glimpse into the after-hours activities Larry gets to partake in. That's when we start to actually feel remorse for the guy. The years he's put in to this marriage have brought him to an infant state. His "wife" has basically steam-rolled him, who was probably a really nice guy (too nice), into submission so now he's constantly under her thumb. Under her watchful and judging eyes. She drops him off every morning for work and picks him up every afternoon (which, by the way, is a sight in itself as she flies through the yard at uncalled for speeds with reckless abandon). And if he's not at the yard when she's there at 3:30, there is either hell to pay or he has to find a way home as we found out one day when we were told he was looking for a ride the previous afternoon because he wasn't at the yard in time.
So this is Larry's life. It's day in and day out pass or fail and, in my eyes, not fair and no way to treat another human being... especially one you're supposed to be married to. Larry is a sad, old man. I think about what could have been for him. And even though we tease him and we help build his reputation, I think the guy deserves better and I feel bad for him. The only thing we can do, and have been doing, is pissing her off at every opportunity we get. Either by going extra slow through the yard when she's behind us or, like we did today, drive out the center of the driveway so she has to wait til our entire crew has left the yard before she can come in... which very visibly upset her. But then I can't help but think we ruined Larry's weekend by doing that.
So to sum it all up, Larry was probably a fairly above average guy who's maturation process was stumped and reversed by being treated the way he has, because at some point, once a man has been treated like that long enough he WILL give up any and all control, hope, and care and you'll be left with a drone, a robot, an emotionless creature that will do what you say and not have an opinion.

probly better left unsaid

I haven't been here in a while
I'm the worst
It's not like I don't have things to say
I need to be better at speaking my mind and not holding feelings in
I need to be better at a lot of things
I need help to be better
I get down on myself too easy too often and see no light at the end of the tunnel
Sometimes I tell myself I need to harden the fuck up and push through and do what's best for me
It's been hard for me to follow through on that
I need to be better at being selfish

         For example... a small, harmless example.... it's the playoffs in my fantasy baseball league and my team is one of 6 teams that made the playoffs after 21 weeks. At one point I was in dead last (out of 14 teams) and ready to give up, but the competitive side couldn't let that happen. So I fought and clawed and researched players and numbers, took chances and made my way back into the top of the league. I payed $30 to play. So this week I find myself destroying the team I'm playing in the 1st round and while this is exactly what everyone else is playing for, I feel bad. I feel bad because I know what it's like to be on the losing end. I suddenly feel guilty for winning. I've never won a fantasy season, but if I win this year, I will feel guilty looking back at all the other guys that could've won. This kind of feeling isn't natural I don't think. I'm a competitive guy, I like to win, I hate to lose. This is an area I need to quit being a biatch and just let myself be happy for myself; to give myself a pat on the back and relish coming out on top.

I need to apply that feeling to every aspect of my life. I think I'd be more satisfied all around in my life if I did more things that are just for me. I'm generally a happy person even without doing anything that's just for me.

What's wrong with me? Why is it I avoid confrontation of any kind?

Maybe I just have a hard time defining the line that propels you to defend and stick up for yourself and what you believe in. Maybe I've just lost confidence in myself and the ability to believe what I think and feel is right. So I second guess myself. I can be convinced that the point I'm arguing is invalid. Give me any subject at all, I'll come up with my own conclusion and state reasons why I feel the way I do, and I guarantee 9 times out of 10, someone can convince me to change my views and opinions even if only slightly.

Maybe it was watching my mom fight with people during my childhood and how embarrassed I was... not for myself so much, but for her. While she was verbally berating the cashier or whoever, I would look at her and how mad she would get and how people around her would see her. Like a goddamn crazy woman I tell ya. And I think you lose a certain level of respect when you fly off the handle like that. People may fear you, but who wants that? You should want to be respected.

Meek and timid is no way to live, but how does one change that when they can't believe in themselves and when the people they need to believe in them, do anything but? When you're constantly shot down, chopped down, and having to constantly find the means to build yourself back up, this seems like an unattainable goal. A good analogy is what happens to an overweight drunk lady at the beach... here lemme help you...

In case you couldn't guess... I am the overweight drunk lady.

Verizon

So when you think "Verizon", you probably think "multi-million dollar company with high prices and bad customer service". And you probably think that with these millions in revenue each year, no expense would be spared in taking care of its employees.... well.... I present to you the water filter used for the entire yard that a lot of people do drink..

This filter, when freshly installed approximately 3 months ago, was brand new, it was a bright white. The filter is located in a completely enclosed plastic container and there is solid build-up at the bottom of the container. When was it changed previously? I don't know. Sometime before I started here 5 years ago, and we used to not be able to see the filter, just the layers of green mold around the contraption housing it.

On a side-note... it is July, in Hemet, and the ice machine to supply the yard with ice, has been very temperamental;  sometimes not working for weeks at a time. Went to Indio last week... same problem. So why is it that this conglomeration of a company that's making money hand-over-fist can't supply their employees with such basics as water and ice, especially in a desert climate?

....It's Tradition

The family I come from has/had no "family traditions".  I can't say why or how that never came to be, but I can say I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything... I don't feel slighted or like my family is disconnected from one another. I realize the point of family traditions is to get everyone together and feel a closeness and a bond with one another, but what happens when a tradition is too forced and it becomes more of a burden than it does fun and games? This creates arguments and breeds resentment and animosity towards the people we love. People get their feelings hurt and take it personally when their tradition isn't priority for everyone involved.
This is why you can't just 'make up' family traditions. Something you do as a family has to become tradition and just because an activity becomes tradition, doesn't mean you have to do it every year or every month or every holiday or special occasion. Keep it simple and keep it optional or don't keep it at all. Don't take the fun out of being in a close-knit family.

Cry Songs

This is probly dumb, but through the years and through the heartbreaks, I tend to turn to music to either pick me up out of a funk, bleed off some aggression, or let me connect to someone else through their words. I take a lot of heat because I don't usually listen to music for lyrics and a lot of time don't care to know the lyrics because most of the time I can't identify with the lyrics and it's basically pointless unless I wanna scream along (which I do on occasion when I know some words). 

So I thought I would take the opportunity to show you some songs that struck a chord with me when I feel like shit and I just need someone to feel like shit with me.... or as my friend Kody calls them.. Cry Songs. 

I think there's only going to be one song that's a little screamy. But these are all good, mellow songs. I'm also going to find videos with lyrics to ease in sing-a-longs.

Eighteen Visions - Said and Done

There's something about the line "after all is said and done, you're not mine" Like, no matter what you do, what you say, in the end it won't matter... your ultimate goal is out of reach and there's nothing you can do besides grin and bear it.

Coldplay - The Scientist

It's the vocal dissonant chord in the chorus that gives this song an extra feeling of melancholy. But more of the same as in the 18 Visions song.

From Autumn to Ashes - Autumn's Monologue/The Fiction We Live

A two parter... The first song and then a response song. 

Avenged Sevenfold - You Won't See Me Tonight Pt. 1

More of a song about suicide than relationships, but people commit suicide for various reasons.. so whatever you're sad about, someone's committed suicide because of it. This is the kinda screamy song. It's a song I learned all the words to and learned how to play on guitar. The only song, off the top of my head, that I can play and sing at the same time.

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Jewel - You Were Meant for Me

yayaya... laugh it up.. This is a cry song from a looong time ago. Freshman year I think. I can't count how many times I've felt exactly like this. Trying to convince myself, more than anything. Knowing the truth but telling yourself it's ok. It might not have had the same impact if it wasn't Jewel singing either. She has a way with her voice, and especially in this live version, where you can hear the emotion and she uses her voice as an instrument... she doesn't just go through the motions and sing the words. She lives the words and makes you live through her.

Johnny Cash - Hurt (Nine Inch Nails cover)

Here's a perfect example of someone using their voice as an instrument, once again. Nine Inch Nails originally wrote and recorded this song, but it wasn't until this version by Johnny Cash came along that I could feel the song. It's how I feel about myself 90% of the time... like I do more harm than good in other people's lives. At least that's what I interpret the song to be about. The timing of this recording is a little eerie as it was recorded 7 months before an ailing Cash passed away.

If you took the time to listen, thank you... or whatever... lol. Should I be thankful? Yes!! I should... ok... Hopefully I don't seem as closed-minded anymore